Okay so it's been raining forever now. and it's really depressing. I hate the weather. It puts me in a glum mood and I seriously can't handle anymore of it. Where the fuck is the sun. I had to drive again in the pouring rain and it's the most annoying thing ever. I drive like an old person because I can't see anything. The sky was so ugly today. It was all white. White sucks! it's bland and boring. the skys supposed to be blue wtf. turn blue! be sunny I really am not happy. I don't understand whats going on. i know it's winter but its also California and It's never like this. This weather makes me not want to smile at people in the grocery store or say thank you I really don't want to say excuse me I could care less about being polite right now. I don't even feel like talking. I haven't really. I've been mopping around the house in a silent kind of semblance. I just need it to stop raining and being grey. My cat took a dump on the carpet today. Very out of character for him but I obviously had to clean it up. It was the most disgusting thing I have ever done - I'm not exaggerating and I wanted to vomit. Reminded me of how much I am NOT looking forward to having babies. sicking. God, I am so morose. I blame on the forecast. Since I'm in the toilet right now I'll just put my little Christmas rant out there. I don't want to say I hate Christmas but i think i fucking hate Christmas. I'm officially the worst person in the world or just Scrooge. Whatever. There are many reasons why I DISLIKE this holiday and time of year.
#1. every single store is filled with people and it's noisy and there's Christmas music and it makes me nauseous. I cant stand going to a store. I went into target today to pick up a prescription and it was total chaos. why do people feel like they HAVE TO buy people gifts? It's so ridiculous. I'll give someone a gift when I feel like I have found something they would like or use. I'm not buying people anything just because its Christmas that's dumb. Christmas is so commercialized, secularized and Its all a big business to me. Christmas tree buying and tinsels and wrapping paper and bows Christmas cards and tissue paper ugh makes me sick. I just feel like hibernating until its all over. I do like a few Christmas songs but that's about it. I'm not very religious so I don't celebrate baby jesus's birth. I just don't but if I did I would probably go to church on Christmas and call it a day. I really don't care about gift giving or gift receiving. and I'm not cheap I'm poor. there's a big difference. I looked up the word "poor" and I think I definitely fit the description....POOR:having little or no money, goods, or other means of support.

yip. I'm as poor as a church mouse.