h

fcuk i want to scream!!! my head is pounding it hurts so bad. i dont know if its because i haven't ate all day or because im coming down from these all natural herbal pills (an alternate to coffee). i've stopped drinking alcohol smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee. it feels good. ive also been visiting the gym five days a week.
because the new year is approaching i have decided to start fresh. i want to be "pure" and clean again. so i have decided to detoxify my body from all

i really feel like Claire Danes in Shopgirl...not only because she's dating an older man who lives in LA (she lives in silverlake HAHA...) but especially after the part when Steve Martin(the guy she is seeing) tells her he's leaving for New york for a business trip..but is looking forward to it because he might meet someone he could actually start a family with. Claire Danes feels really shitty afterwards and realizes that she was very naive in believing this guy ever took her seriously. and She says...."I could either hurt now, or hurt later" and she takes her things and leaves him.

so it's Christmas today and I was supposed to be snowboarding in big bear and sipping hot cocoa in a cabin with the guy I'm or WAS dating. but all that changed when he called me Wednesday night and decided to blow me off and go to China. and that's where he is now Beijing. and I'm here. which I do not mind at all I'm very glad I am spending time with my family but I'm pretty sure I'm done talking to him. If the res one pet peeve I have it's when people blow me off. I find it so rude and inconsiderate and I just can't deal with people that do that to me. Anyway life goes on and that was that. Another male that is out of my life is Kitty. Kitty was picked up yesterday and he is now going to be living with a couple and their 7 year old daughter. I wish them luck. He is so much too handle.
Last night was New Years Eve, and that's when me and my extended family(that lives here) get together to celebrate Christmas. We celebrated at my aunts house which is also in Huntington Beach. More family than I expected to be there was there and it was soo good seeing everyone. Everyone gets so busy and it's hard to make time to visit everyone. I'm thinking I'm going to write everyone a letter that was there and send it to them by mail. The written letter is near extinction and I think it'd be a nice surprise for everyone :) Yeah, I'm gonna do that. The food was really really good. There was EVERYTHING from Turkey to Tamales, pastries, wines, champorado. It was really really great. However, I was SO tired because I had gone to the gym earlier that day and ran for 40 minutes and walked for 30 and then did some other things at the gym then I had to go to work from 4-930 and it was very busy. (I made REALLY good money- People seemed to be in a giving kind of mood :) 50 on 190 sounds good to me ;-) and after work I had to come home change and be at my aunts. So I took a muscle relaxer later and felt better. I slept like a baby.

My sister's making dinner later. She's cooking turkey with cranberry...green beans sweet potato fries...and making a Cesar salad. She also got champagne and some desserts and we're watching movies tonight :)
What better way to spend Christmas huh?

I'm wearing one of my Christmas gifts that I got from my cousin Laura and Martha...a plaid purple Betsey Johnson sleep dress :) it's really cute. I love it. and I'm taking the day off today -from the gym just cuz it's Christmas. and because Ive gone everyday this week. I don't really feel like doing anything so I think that's what I'm gonna do. nothing really just rest relax.
oh by the way I haven't gone out in a while but I love it. I've just been focusing on me and reflecting on the past year and everything and it's really rewarding just staying home. I kind of like being home and taking it easy. bars and friends are kind of a waste of time. I'm just being honest.

I haven't drank alcohol in over 2 months. I quit smoking cigarettes-that was just a stupid phase I was going through. and I've been going to the gym 5 days a week. I'm also following my own little food diet- I'm avoiding breads, gluten, White sugar, anything processed or pasteurized and as much soy and dairy as possible. I've been eating alot of whole foods like fruits and veggies nuts seeds grains and lean protein like range free chicken or salmon. I've been drinking water like a fish lately. Sometimes I think I make myself sick from drinking so much. -EW, last night at work everyone was eating food from the restaurant after their shifts were over like Prime rib and 5 cheese potatoes and bread with butter and deep fried chicken stips and zucchini it was so gross. I cant believe I used to eat that junk. I left as soon as I was done I didn't eat that much at my aunts either I just had fruit and a cookie that my sisters made while I was at work they were sugar cookies and were actually really good :)

Okay so it's been raining forever now. and it's really depressing. I hate the weather. It puts me in a glum mood and I seriously can't handle anymore of it. Where the fuck is the sun. I had to drive again in the pouring rain and it's the most annoying thing ever. I drive like an old person because I can't see anything. The sky was so ugly today. It was all white. White sucks! it's bland and boring. the skys supposed to be blue wtf. turn blue! be sunny I really am not happy. I don't understand whats going on. i know it's winter but its also California and It's never like this. This weather makes me not want to smile at people in the grocery store or say thank you I really don't want to say excuse me I could care less about being polite right now. I don't even feel like talking. I haven't really. I've been mopping around the house in a silent kind of semblance. I just need it to stop raining and being grey. My cat took a dump on the carpet today. Very out of character for him but I obviously had to clean it up. It was the most disgusting thing I have ever done - I'm not exaggerating and I wanted to vomit. Reminded me of how much I am NOT looking forward to having babies. sicking. God, I am so morose. I blame on the forecast. Since I'm in the toilet right now I'll just put my little Christmas rant out there. I don't want to say I hate Christmas but i think i fucking hate Christmas. I'm officially the worst person in the world or just Scrooge. Whatever. There are many reasons why I DISLIKE this holiday and time of year.
#1. every single store is filled with people and it's noisy and there's Christmas music and it makes me nauseous. I cant stand going to a store. I went into target today to pick up a prescription and it was total chaos. why do people feel like they HAVE TO buy people gifts? It's so ridiculous. I'll give someone a gift when I feel like I have found something they would like or use. I'm not buying people anything just because its Christmas that's dumb. Christmas is so commercialized, secularized and Its all a big business to me. Christmas tree buying and tinsels and wrapping paper and bows Christmas cards and tissue paper ugh makes me sick. I just feel like hibernating until its all over. I do like a few Christmas songs but that's about it. I'm not very religious so I don't celebrate baby jesus's birth. I just don't but if I did I would probably go to church on Christmas and call it a day. I really don't care about gift giving or gift receiving. and I'm not cheap I'm poor. there's a big difference. I looked up the word "poor" and I think I definitely fit the description....POOR:having little or no money, goods, or other means of support.

yip. I'm as poor as a church mouse.

it's been raining here for the past week. It's making me depressed. I couldn't imagine living in Oregon or one of those states where its always gloomy like this. I'd probably die before even getting to write about it. Anyway, it's Tuesday Dec. 21st. 2010. I've been going to the gym 5 days a week stomachs still flabby as shit but i don't care because I feel so much better after leaving the gym. I like pushing myself as much as I can and seeing how far I can go. I love being drenched in my own sweat. I know that's disgusting but I'm not there to impress anyone. So bring it on.

There not much to do now that school is over. Actually, I take that back there's alot I can do there's just nothing i HAVE to do like homework or assigned reading ya dig? but nonetheless, I've been keeping busy by going to work, reading articles out of magazines, reading short stories, highlighting and cutting out pictures and things from magazines, working out, and watching movie here and there. Last night was nice, I watched a movie with my whole family we hadn't had the time to do it in a while but we did last night and I really enjoyed it. It wasn't planned we just all happened to be home on a cold and rainy day :) We watched The Kids Are Alright it was a different kind of movie very open-minded but quaint. I liked it.
Although I've been working my butt off on the elliptical I've been having a hard time sleeping. You'd think I'd be tired but I'm not. I don't really mind it though. Last night I couldn't sleep so I pulled a few things from the top self of my closet. Old writing assignments I kept from my English classes, poems mostly Bukowski, Atwood, and a 12x12 Black photo album that stored old pictures. I forgot about those pictures, those times and how fast time flys. How we change. It didn't make me sad. I wasn't nostalgic at all. That was then. I probably sound like a cold hearted person....but that's just me. I don't like living in the past dwelling on what was and all that. Pictures are nice they remind you of what you were doing your sophomore or junior year, what you wore who you hung out with but I don't wish I could go back.
In fact, I pulled the pages full of collages out from the transparent plastic slips and put the pictures away in a box. I'm going to use the black album to hold all of my favorite things. cut outs of articles, lyrics, quotes, anything and everything I want. I find that much more useful.
So I've been thinking (like always)about what it is I really enjoy doing, I enjoy doing alot of things but what to make my main focus....and I want to pursue acting- NOT for the fame just for the fun of it. I like to take on different characters and roles and see what's like to be something else. It sounds fun. Also, I'm going to continue writing. I want to take a writing class or join a writing group. whatever gets me to write more will be fine. I think it's especially important for me to be really honest with myself right now because I'm about to start a new chapter in my life. I'm going to immerse myself to a whole new city and I need not just want but NEED a purpose to be out there. I just want to try a new hobby and conquer my fears. yeah, I just admitted that I have fears. Whew. I'm an actual person! But I can change that and I will. Like Baz Luhrmann said in his class of '99 speech, "Do something everyday that scares you". It's hard to do something that scares you everyday but I can at least try. :) So I'm gonna put myself out there and just be me. I don't need to prove anything and I don't need to be anything I am just going to do what makes me happy. I want to discover myself.
and okay...just so I get this out of the way..Last night I cried, I thought I was a huge mess and felt very confused and maybe I am. I'm starting to realize now that sometimes I'm up and sometimes I'm down but that's life I'm not always going to be super happy or content so whatever emotion I am feeling I am going to embrace it.
I have the day off today which feels a little weird I'm not used to having a whole day to myself. The possibilities are endless. I could literally write until night. I could try to read as many articles as I can. Ugh it all sounds so nice. I could sleep-yuck, which would be SUCH a waste. No sleeping, at least not yet.

Unfortunately, my days off are limited as school (winter inter session) will be starting again Jan. 3rd. I'm going to try to get a geology class with a lab and a math class before Spring semester starts -Feb 14th :-/
Well, I'm gonna get to it. I have a couple exciting things to read and do.

Due to some of the content on this particular blog I am going to end it with a quote by Kerouac I find fitting :)
“What is the feeling when you're driving away from people, and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? -it's the too huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.””

2 Weeks now?

Dear Blog.
I've been missing. I know. I haven't wrote in a while just because so much has been going on that I haven't even had to figure things out let alone collect my thoughts and write! but I'm here. I feel alot better now than I did just a few days ago. I've been really stressed out lately. I never really stress because it's absolutely pointless but I couldn't help it. I had alot going on but I finally feel a little better. Thanks to my sister, dad and the gym. So school is over and I'm so glad because it's one less thing to worry about. Since school got out I have been working out almost everyday. It's been helping me so much. I just run as much as I can and I tune everything out it's such a stress reliever. I've lost a little weight since school got out which was my plan. I have a goal I want to meet by New Years Eve. which is looking very promising. It's actually only been 4 days since school got out but SO much has happened since then! Life just keeps happening. of course :) I've worked every night since Thursday today is Monday...and I work every day this week Except Tuesday. which I'm trying to pick up. The reason I'm trying to work so much is because I'm moving on the 27th. and once I'm gone I'm going to have to find a job in LA and until I get hired someplace else than I can say goodbye to my jobs here for good. A few people think the idea of commuting from LA to HB is ridiculous but I'm not one of those people that can just NOT WORK. The idea of being JOBLESS right now just gives me anxiety and stresses me out. So I'm blocking everyone's opinions out and doing what I feel is right. I'm very excited for the move and I have been sending out my resume to a ton of places. If I had a job out there I would feel a lot better but I'm not going to worry about it because I know I'll find something :)
So I have found a nice home for Kitty. He's going to a couple with a 7 year old daughter. think he'll be in good hands. He's getting neutered today and tomorrow my sis and I will be dropping him off. My sis went into surgery earlier this week and can't do much for a while maybe 2 weeks? So she's been letting my use her car to get to work and such. it's crazy how much I get done with a car. For the past 4 days I have been going to the gym showering and getting ready at the gym and going to work it's an amazing feeling of freedom and independence! I need a car. For the millionth time! February can't come soon enough.

I really hope I get this New Years Eve off. :-/

Natalie.

Four Agreements

from don Miguel Ruiz book.

Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.


Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.


Be Impeccable with Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.


Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Read on: The double life of women.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201010/the-double-life-women

to the anonymous reader.

here is something for you:


About all you can do in life is be who you are.
-Rita Mae Brown

Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind.
-Buddha

Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.
-Martin Luther King Jr.

Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
-Howard Thurman

So many assume. So little know.

They can't hurt you unless you let them.

Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching. and live like it's heaven on earth.
-Mark Twain

Remember the compliments forget the insults

last days.

mentally exhausted. & So
tired of this routine .cant wait for it to end.

I dont want to think anymore!! my brain feels like it's stretched and dried out...like an old piece of gum. I'm so tired
i just want to rest now

But I should remeber this: “Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”-Gail Devers.

Thought I'd share.

On Lagerfeld's Book:
Perhaps most alien, and potentially alienating, is the book's unapologetic emphasis on appearance. Lagerfeld repeatedly states that fashion, specifically the desire to wear the superslim fashions of the aptly named Hedi Slimane (who designs for Dior Homme), motivated him. When discussing their belief in the importance of one's exterior, Lagerfeld and Houdret, clearly a like-minded pair, don't mince words. "In order to have a place in society," Houdret writes, "both men and women have to be active, good looking and above all young—and therefore slim." Lagerfeld, ever extenuatory, puts it more concisely: "A respectable appearance is sufficient to make people more interested in your soul."

"Yes, some people say to me you're too skinny, but never a skinny person says that to me, only people who could lose a few pounds say that".
Karl Lagerfeld

insomnia seeps in.

jesus effing christ. what the hell do you do when you can't sleep!? thats not a rhetorical question im really asking now. because for the past week i haven't been able to sleep until 1(if I'm lucky) 2, 3 or 4 in the morning. it's getting really annoying. i'm just not tired. even kitty is asleep. probably dreaming about his tuna for breakfast-which btw is his favorite he wakes me up with his meowing until i get him his brkfst...he's not a cat. I do have alot going on right now so maybe that's why i can't seem to fall asleep. i would love it if we could just fast forward to Thursday. Thursday is the last day of the semester. Finally. after that, it's my big move!!!!! that's right im moving ! leaving this old city and living in LA. (i am very very excited). Today, i got all the information for my new school...student id, class schedules, maps etc. because of course I'll still be going to school. so there's this really small vintage shop right by where im going to live and i can't wait to check it out!! :) actually...i cant wait explore a new city and everything it has to offer. especially new resturants. I'll actually be living right on the middle of everything it's pretty awesome.
p.s. found a trader Joe's! right by our house yay! it's super close. i hope this week flys bye. oh yikes i need a new job. :-/

A new(er) genre of music

dubstep:is a genre of electronic dance music, originating from London, UK. Its overall sound has been described as "tightly coiled productions with overwhelming bass lines and reverberant drum patterns, clipped samples, and occasional vocals.
-I like how they say OVERWHELMING... hahah.

Set up your Pandora on Flux Pavilion and I guarantee you..you will run 3+ miles.-I did 6 today but trust me it will PUMP u UP! If your looking for great work out music there it is. OR it's also great when driving on the freeway at night.
Here is an example of what you might hear-Do not hesitate to turn up your volume.







and currently one of my favorite albums:

Ask & Thou shall Receive.

right?










alvidazen-Natalie.

blah blah blah

I really don't like stupid people.that's a very harsh way to start a blog. and I'm not an angry or mean person by any means but I just had to get it off my chest. I simply cannot stand ignorant, brainless people that cannot form sentences (literally) and do not know what they are talking about. I DO NOT like them and will not put with them. PLEASE bring something to the table. or zip dee lip. Rarely do I come across those people because I purposely avoid them but TODAY i had to listen to someone give a speech in class on seriously.....I DON'T KNOW WHAT. I couldn't tell you what she was talking about because she jumped around all over the place, not making sense and laughing about what are very serious matters. I was really embarrassed for her and was very tempted to tell her to sit down and be quiet. (if you know who I'm talking about please forgive me and my agitation towards this person I was just appalled)- ok. I'm done with my little rant.


ANY WAY besides that it was a really fun and eventful day with friends.

SO! i have come to the conclusion that Trader Joe's is the best place ever and everyone should get their groceries there because their just amazing. Everything from their coffee blends down to their organic honey and strawberries is awesome.
I love trader joe's and Will now share with you my
TOP TEN FAVORITE ITEMS
1. FAGE yogurt with honey
2. Organic Trek mix (the one with chocolate chips,almonds & cranberries)
3. TJS Baked potato chips
4. TJ'S vegan chocolate chip cookies (gluten free)
5. TJ'S PAD THAI (found in the frozen food section-Also, gluten free and vegan)
6. TJ'S veggie corn dogs
7. TJ'S Pasta italiano with eggplant and zucchini
8. Dried unsweetened mango
9. TJ'S dried cranberries
10.TJ'S Organic Panda Puffs Cereal.
and oh my goodness I know I said TOP TEN but this is a must have: PEPPERMINT CHIP ICE CREAM.
(No i do not have all these items sitting in my fridge right now if i did....I'd probably weigh about 300 pounds.)

All I'm gonna say is that money comes and money goes and it goes more than it comes.
at least for me. so sad. I'm screwed. hahahaha


I'm tired. but I think I'll watch a movie until i start getting sleepy. Benjamin Button? I need GOOD MOVIE suggestions.....anyone?

??What is your favorite Trader Joe's item??

last thing.-What I really really hate(and hate is a strong word)is when you make yourself vulnerable and are totally yourself and you show your true self to people because that's all that you have...and then they get scared and push you away making you feel like theres something wrong with you. Well I just want to say F U. for being a phony and an bumhole.

I just submitted my resume...

to a clothing line I desperatly want to work for. I would essentially be working as a "Fashion Journalist". How cool is that?! I hope to hear back from them. Well, it's actually an intern position with a possible job after the intern ;-) Anyway it's perfect yayy :)

Keeping my fingers crossed-Natalie.

Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha

Yum. only 360 calories from Starbucks BUT that's if you get the grande without the whipped cream.
Also instead of 4 shots of syrup i got 2 not because i don't want to get fat but because otherwise it's too sweet.

SO, i got alot done today I'm surprised I'm not exhausted?...both mentally and physically. My day started at 7. Yup 7 a.m. my life right now is just awesome. i had 2 classes today but in between those classes I studied for HOURS at the library (11-3)okay maybe not hours just 4. but still that is awhile and draining AND annoying. after studying for four hours I had a math exam WHICH i know i passed with flying colors. because I'm smart. or....studied. Anyway, after class I was going to pass on my daily beach run because it was super cold outside but i pushed myself and ran 3 miles. I gave myself a pat on the back as well as a LONG HOT SHOWER.

Tonight, I finally watched a movie that probably ALL of America has seen except for me. Forrest Gump. OMG. why didn't anyone tell me to watch it sooner?! It was sooo good. I totally cried. like twice or three times idk. It is now one of my favorite movies and I love Tom Hanks now. & Jenny pissed me off. The movie was great but superrrr long. Also, I had no idea Sally Field was in it she's the sweetest lady. hahah umm funniest part of the movie is when Bubba's mom is being served her shrimp soup by her white maid HAHAHAHAH.

TA TA!-Natalie

This blog is dedicated to my dear friend:

Aaron. who passed away 3 years ago now. -hi aaron. i know you can read this and did u see my message on the sand yesterday? im sure u saw it :) i ran my ass to the Pier for you! which im sure you also witnessed hahaha. it was really cool seeing your snow flake light up :) it made me happy. like your still here. thank you for bringing us together again. the old friends and familiar faces. it was really good seeing your mom. she seemed really happy she is an excellent host btw she's a sweetheart. i gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek before i left. i heard you told your mom you wanted to ride shotgun during the parade....dork...you would haha anyway, i love you and you continue bringing the gang together which is always nice. everyone misses you so much. i look forward to seeing you one day airbear. <333

Love Always-Natalie.

no more illegal downloading.

Today I decided to the join the millions of others that actually purchase music online. And it felt good. I purchased Train in vain by the clash.
Then 2 minutes later, I bought Neil Young's Greatest hits for only 8 dollars on Amazon. Yes. I am very proud of myself (:
I then proceeded to buy America's Greatest Hits as well as Paul McCartney's single-Band on the run.

It's so much fun!! I LOVE BUYING MUSIC!!
this is addicting.
So... we're at the end of the semester and I'm literally looking up the answers to my political science questions on Askjeeves.com
The website actually has the right answers. works for me now! I can save myself some unnecessary and bore some reading. Not that it makes a big difference I still have 2 essays due for English, 2 quizzes and a final exam in mathematics, and a cumulative exam in Poli Sci. Fun fun fun. I almost want to give up but I'm so close to the end! and I want those A's!!! so excited to see my final grades. yeah, I'm a nerd SHUT UP.

p.s. I died my hair jet black!
See ya-Natalie.

like.

It is impossible to discourage the real writers - they don't give a damn what you say, they're going to write. ~Sinclair Lewis

Writing is utter solitude, the descent into the cold abyss of oneself. ~Franz Kafka


The writer writes in order to teach himself, to understand himself, to satisfy himself; the publishing of his ideas, though it brings gratification, is a curious anticlimax. ~Alfred Kazin, Think, February 1963

Writing, I think, is not apart from living. Writing is a kind of double living. The writer experiences everything twice. Once in reality and once in that mirror which waits always before or behind. ~Catherine Drinker Bowen, Atlantic, December 1957

If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad. ~Lord Byron

A perfectly healthy sentence, it is true, is extremely rare. For the most part we miss the hue and fragrance of the thought; as if we could be satisfied with the dews of the morning or evening without their colors, or the heavens without their azure. ~Henry David Thoreau

You write to communicate to the hearts and minds of others what's burning inside you. And we edit to let the fire show through the smoke. ~Arthur Polotnik

A good style should show no signs of effort. What is written should seem a happy accident. ~W. Somerset Maugham, Summing Up, 1938


How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live. ~Henry David Thoreau, Journal, 19 August 1851

Indulge-Natalie.

The day is sunday

and i just finished watching Julie & Julia besides being a great movie it made me want to cook and for some reason listen to classical music?
but i changed my mind in 2 seconds flat and am now listening to an amazingly talented and extremely good looking Italian singer by the name of Eros Ramazzotti. I can listen to him ANYTIME. :) He makes me happy.

So, I am very proud to say that I did not work ALL WEEK LONG. nope not one day. I decided to take the weekend off :) and it has been wonderful. it's nice not working for a change. I'm always working I know I know maybe not 40 hours a week like most "adults" but it's damn....liberating, to able to take time off for yourself to do nothing in particular. it's late and I'm going to bed soon but I felt like writing because...

I feel uplifted. Maybe it was the movie that caused this feeling? In the movie Julie blogs about her cooking and it helped her in much the same way it helps me.
To be honest....I want to pick up Julia's cookbook and cook a 3 course meal. I will do it to. I'm thinking Bruschetta as a starter (it looked seriously mouth watering in the movie) with a Caesar salad and some type of chicken and mashed potato? i haven't decided on desert but oh boy, it is going to be superb to say the least. I will take pictures and blog about it. I will dedicate it to both Amy Adams & Meryl Streep for portraying Julie and Julia as well as the real Julie and Julia for inspiring me to cook and write. Especially write. I love that Julie (Amy Adams) doesn't give up her cooking or Writing that made me particularly giddy and actually filled me with a renewed sense of hope that one day I will publish my own book :)

I will share, that I am ready to begin snapping pictures with ( my recently downloaded) RETRO CAMERA APP. i just downloaded onto my phone tonight -Apple, has Hipstamatic but of course T-mobile being the better company of the two came up with Retro Camera a similar application that works twice as good. Settle down apple lovers. Simply except the harsh facts of life and move on. We all make mistakes.

oh!!! I also completely forgot about the advent calendar that has been sitting in my kitchen cabinet since the beginning of November...oh gosh that doesn't sound to appetizing when said out loud. Any who, I bought it for myself...I know kind of sad but I really wanted one and I doubt anyone in my family or circle of friends was seriously going to go out of their way and buy me, a 20 year old, an advent calendar. so don't judge me OK? Some of us still want to enjoy the spirit of Christmas. HAH HAH. but the best part about finding this wonderful little calendar was that it is the fourth i repeat the fourth day of December. Which of course means I had FOUR heavenly sweet milk chocolates all in the form of little bears and tinsels which made them THAT MUCH BETTER. yum. and tomorrow, I get to have another one if I choose too. I am totally on my way to getting in the best shape of my life. Oh, how i love the holidays.

Stay tuned-Natalie.

my super, extremely, productive, non-fat day

So this morning I came home at 12 o'clock from a night of Thai take-out, cuddling, movie watching and one too many chocolate covered almond munching. With who you might ask? that my friends is NONE of your biz. Could've been my cat for all you know...SO, over the weekend (which for me started Thursday) I came to a realization. That I am constantly living in the future or the past and not in the NOW. ok ok So i read a book over the weekend which is what led me to this belief.....The book was,The Power Of Now. I opened up the book and began reading. Everything it says we (humans) do is totally true. We are constantly being distracted (by media, music etc.) and rarely allow ourselves to dwell into the present moment. I read chapters 1-4 and what I got from it was that we need to try to control our minds and not let our minds control our thoughts. The greatest obstacle to achieving the "feeling of being" or stillness or peace is COMPULSIVE THINKING. We are compulsive thinkers. Chapter one dealt with how we "are not our minds". We aren't our thoughts. Thoughts are illusions and we need to achieve higher levels of consciousness. If you disagree with this theory and don't believe that you have a voice constantly running around your head then you must of never done the following: Speculated,judged, analyzed, compared,complained,commented, disliked and so on...According to Tolle, a new dimension of consciousness occurs when we begin to listen to our thoughts and become aware that they are there. Once we become aware of the thought the mind doesn't have so much control over us and the thought subsides. The thought looses power over us. When we do that we will experience a discontinuity in mental stream and a gap of no-mind will occur. Those no-mind gaps will gradually grow longer and we will begin to think clearly. Contrary to some people's beliefs we will not loose touch of reality we will actually be more focused and alert and we will be living in awareness and consciousness (and i don't know about you guys but I could definitely use that)and basically, one's natural state of FELT ONENESS WITH BEING is obscured by the mind.- Aren't you feeling enlightened already?!
hahah so here are the perks of trying to attain a STATE OF INNER CONNECTEDNESS (I made a list for both mine and your benefit)
-MORE ALERT
-MORE AWAKE
-FULLY PRESENT
& IT ALSO RAISES THE VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY OF THE ENERGY FIELD THAT GIVES LIFE TO THE PHYSICAL BODY (I KNOW SOUNDS SO MYSTICAL BUT MAKES SENSE)

HERE ARE ALSO A FEW TIPS, QUOTES AND FACTS FOR YOU:
-#1 Most important step to enlightenment is: to learn to disidentify from your mind. Create a gap in the stream of mind and light of your consciousness will grow stronger.
-Your sense of self DO NOT depend on the contents of your mind. THINK ABOUT IT!
-80-90% OF PEOPLES THINKING IS REPETITIVE & USELESS-CAUSING SERIOUS LEAKAGE OF VITAL ENERGY
-compulsive thinking IS an addiction
-EGO means= FALSE SELF and it is created by unconscious identification
-THE PRESENT MOMENT HOLDS THE KEY TO LIBERATION
-all artists create from "no-mind" state from inner stillness, creative impulse or insight comes from mental quietude.
-REAL LOVE does not make you suffer. (Think about that)
-all CRAVINGS are the mind seeking fulfillment in external things
-Buddha means= awakened one. meaning we can all be Buddhas?
-THE MIND ALWAYS SEEKS TO DENY THE NOW AND ESCAPE FROM IT-(so watch your thoughts)
-REALIZE DEEPLY THAT THE PRESENT MOMENT IS ALL YOU EVER HAVE.
-THE EGO NEEDS ARE ENDLESS
-the moment you realize you are present YOU ARE PRESENT. & Whenever you are able to observe your mind, you are no longer trapped in it.
-remember that FEAR is always of something that might happen, not of something that is happening and anyone who identifies themselves withte mind will have Fear as their constant companion.
-PROBLEMS ARE ILLUSIONS.
ALSO..."HOW" is more important than "WHAT"

okay so you go read the rest! (:

So as you may or may not have noticed the title of this entry reads: PRODUCTIVE day ;) and indeed it has been. Like I was saying, I got home at 12 o'clock and cleaned my house decided enough was enough (with being a lazy and an excusesful 20 year old!) So i went on a run to the beach and back and felt amazing. I stretched and took in the salty beach air! Then I came home showered of course and threw some loads of laundry in the wash. I ate a delicious salad comprised of the following:

RED LEAF LETTUCE
PEAS
GARBANZO BEANS
MY NEIGHBORS PLAYING REALLY GOOD MUSIC BTW- ALOT OF FEMALE ARTIST. WHICH OF COURSE ARE MY FAVORITE
TOMATO
MUSHROOMS
SNOW PEAS
CELERY
RAISINS
CUCUMBER
AND A SCOOP OF TUNA

So a few things I am excited for:
SCHOOL ENDING
MY BIG MOVE TO LA
QUITTING MY JOB! Or something like that.
NEW YEARS EVE & RESOLUTIONS(WHICH I HAVE ALREADY BEGUN WORKING ON because I've decided to live in the present and all hahah)
and most importantly...A possible intern and job position as a FASHION JOURNALIST!!!

beeeeeeeee jealous. haha actually don't be. just be excited for me and wish me luck (:
now hopefully I will get more than I expect to get done for school.

That is all-Natalie.